Today, a guy was standing on Telegraph handing out samples of Monster Energy Shots. Although the generosity is greatly appreciated during a particularly sleep deprived finals week, I’m still wary of the packaging. I’ve always been turned off by energy drinks like Monster and Full Throttle that come alarming-looking cans, complete with jarring colors, flames, and claw marks. The energy shots are new to me. These have bullet holes. I understand this stuff is probably marketed at testosterone-crazed frat boys, but still. I already know this stuff is going to kill me. I don’t need to be reminded of that when I pick it up off the shelf.
Just in case you’re wondering, the shot has 6 grams of sugar, 2000 mg of taurine, 400mg of ginseng, and 5000 mg of something called “energy blend” (glucose, l-carnitine, caffeine, inositol, guarana, glucuronolactone, and maltodextrin).
Holy shit I’m going to die.
I should definitely be studying.