I’m always amused that the only times I get a hankering for blogging are when I am horribly behind on schoolwork. On a side note, screw you, Professor Crawford. A 10 page takehome midterm? You sadistic bitch, as if I really needed another reason to hate you and your class.
Sorry, just had to let that one out.
Anyways, I’ve noticed something about myself that really disturbs me. This trainwreck of a semester has probably been the toughest that I’ve had since I’ve gotten here, yet as the semester continues, I just don’t care anymore. I stopped doing actual work about a month ago, and I simply don’t go to a lot of my classes anymore. I’m really not sure why. I’ve got plenty that I should be doing – a mountain of LSAT homework, 2 10-page papers, and internship applications are just the tip of the iceberg. Usually I have this irrational fear that sets in when I fail to be productive, but I’ve found that fear has now been replaced by apathy. Right now, coasting for the rest of the semester and blowing off finals and the LSAT is sounding like a prettygood plan to me. It should be scaring the hell out of me that I’m even thinking this way, but it’s not. What is it all for anyways? Law school? Graduate school? A job? I don’t even know what I want to do next weekend, much less what I want to do for the rest of my life.
It’s not as if I’m spending the time doing something I shouldn’t be doing, but rather, I’m spending time doing nothing at all. Case in point – I had set aside yesterday afternoon to do homework and failed rather miserably. Was I out at one of the many parties on frat row? Lounging in the sun? Catching up with friends? No, I spent the entirety of yesterday lying prone on my bed, surfing the web. Maybe this is a sign that I’m not ready for law school in a year, but I actually think it’s more than that. The ironic thing is that up until this point, I’ve actually been doing really well this semester. Maybe I’ve just burnt out.
All semester, I’ve been using my return to DC this summer as motivation to keep going, but after an endless stream of rejections, I honestly don’t even really feel like going back anymore. Is it strange that I just want to leave school and travel? Too bad that’s not a financially viable option.
Like always, I start posts like this to try to sort out my feelings, and like always, all I find is a jumbled mess of thoughts.
Basically, I think at the moment, I’d rather be anywhere but here.